Michelle's Testimony

I was a Sunday school kid.  Every Sunday the van would come round and pick all the kids up and take us to the Church of Nazarene.  I think it was so mum and the man she later married could have some kid free alone time.  From there I learnt the ten commandments, some great hymns and was told God was always watching.  

My childhood wasn’t always the best.  In fact at times it was down right scary.  No matter how well I behaved I landed the position of family scapegoat.  Not the best position to hold.  

Anyway throughout my life the ten commandments stuck.  I thought I was doing ok. God had my back and Jesus died on the cross for me.  So long as I did good deeds and was nice to people I’d surely be going to heaven and my life here on earth would be a cake walk.

I learnt early on that life doesn’t treat people well.  I thought I’d been abandoned by my family and God.

There have been 3 times I tried to take my own life and 3 times I failed.  I felt so lost and alone.  My strategy, cut people out of my life and put myself into isolation.  Living in my head, often going for weeks without talking to anyone other than the shop keeper at the local Village 4Square.

Then along came Wilson, my new neighbour who was determined to be that friendly neighbour.  Every time I was out the back working in the garden he would pop his head over the fence for a bit of a friendly chat. 

Well that’s not entirely true, I could only see the top half of his face - which is why I renamed him Wilson after the character in Tool Time.  Our friendship grew over the years and he reintroduced me to God.  We’d debate the bible.  I’d listen to his sermons and give him feedback.  I even went to church with him when he needed support.

He said to me one day “10 years ago we would never have been friends”  I laughed and said “Is it the dreadlocks, the tattoos, or the potty mouth?” To his credit he said “yes.” 

My response was to remind him of all the laughs he would’ve missed out on. He passed away from cancer a few years ago.  I still miss him.  His was the most honest relationship I have ever had.  All he ever wanted was a friend who would love him unconditionally. I’d like to think I was that person for him. All I wanted was a friend who didn’t try to get into my pants and he was that for me.

I started working with a new OT.  What an amazing human.  Between her and Wilson my faith grew.  Not all humanity sucked after all.  

I’d never stopped praying, but didn’t think I was being heard.  I wanted to know what my purpose was.  Strange as it may sound.  I always knew I’d be ok.  He had a purpose and I had to trust in His wisdom. Some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime and I hadn’t been listening to the lessons.

My total come to Jesus moment was when I was lying on the kitchen floor unable to get up.  There was something seriously wrong. As I waited for my housemate to come inside, I prayed for Him to bring me home.  I accepted I may die and was at peace with it.

But no.  He had other ideas.  The purpose He has for me is not completed and I may never know what it is.  I just have to trust.

I’d been estranged from my mother for several decades.  Her and my sister came down from Auckland, my daughter flew in from Sydney and my son flew up from Nelson.  So I went from feeling abandoned to surrounded by family. My thinking went from why me? to why not me? I started reading the bible again and reacquainting my relationship with Jesus.  

I’ve learnt that from adversity comes great lessons. I may not always know the reason or the purpose.  I’ve learnt to trust in His wisdom.  Being kind and good is the right thing to do, but it’s more than that, it’s getting to know my Lord and Saviour and having a relationship with him is so important and if I keep quiet and just listen He gives me the answers. I have faith,  God is good.

By Michelle.